Clear Waters Counselling

Don't Let Low Self Esteem Hold You Back

Learn To Let Your Self Esteem Flourish

If you suffer from a sense of low self esteem and lack of self worth, it doesn’t have to hold you back Indefinitely. You can develop a positive self image of yourself, in fact, it is essential to living a fulfilling and effective life.

How do you know if you have low self esteem?

Are worried about what others think of you?

Is speaking out in front of others a really hard thing to do? 

Are you always putting others needs first before your own? 

Do you feel you have not achieved much in your life? 

Have you got many self doubts? 

If you answered yes to one or more of the above, you’re self esteem could do with a boost.

Small children need affirmation from parents, teachers and friends. Everyone benefits from love and acceptance from the important people around them.  When you  receive love and positive regard from other people it helps you to flourish and fel good about yourself, but you also need positive self regard.

When you have positive self regard you have the confidence to test things out and trust your own inner experience. Positive self regard is  a sure foundation for making good decisions about how you will live your life.

But positive self-regard can be a fragile thing, especially when you are young, and it is so easily affected by the negative evaluations of other people. It’s all too easy to ignore your own inner evaluations in favour of getting the love and affirmation you crave from others. When you start to see yourself as others view you and rely on their evaluations to determine your sense of acceptance and level of self worth, it puts you at their mercy. Abandoning your own judgement of self can cause your emotional well being to be determined by what other people think about you. You give  away control of how you feel to the people around you.

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”  Anna Freud

Having low self esteem may cause you to:

• Feel unclear about who you really are

• Feel Despondent and lonely

• Find social situations hard and feel acutely shy

• Have a poor self image and only able to focus on the negatives

• Be unsure of what you really want or desire in your life

• Cling to relationships that are not good for you

Trying by yourself to boost your own flagging self esteem and and learning to look to what is inside yourself and trust your own evaluations is hard and can feel like an overwhelming task.

When you work with a counsellor you will find you are respected and not judged, really listened to and not given advice or unwanted opinions. Counselling creates a safe relationship where you can begin to find and recapture your true self, and begin to believe and trust in your own inner experience to guide and help you make decisions.

Your self confidence will grow and you will attract people to you that will offer more positive healthy relationships, sharing mutual encouragement and growth.

If you would like to book a session or simply find out more about my services, please call  

Robyn on 07506879747, or email me at robyn@clearwaterscounselling.com 

RELAXATION EXERCISE

Deep Muscle Relaxation

Relaxation is a skill and has to be learned, as with any other skill.

You need to choose a quiet, warm, comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. You may wish to use some music you find relaxing to help you.

Choose a time of day when you are going to feel most relaxed to begin to practice this exercise, so that as your skill grows, you will be able to use it in situations where you begin to feel tense and anxious.

To Begin

Lie down, or if you prefer sitting, then you should choose a padded chair that is high enough to support your neck, pushing your bottom well to the back to ensure your back is well-supported, with arms lying on the arm rests. Straight, high-backed dining type chairs are best avoided. Your feet should rest comfortably on the floor.

Get comfortable, loosening any tight clothing, i.e. Belts, etc.

Close your eyes.

Check your shoulders are not hunched by pulling them down towards your feet. You should feel the difference.

Concentrate on your breathing for a few minutes, breathing slowly, calmly and regularly: in two three, out two three. You can say the words “Calm”, or “Relax” to yourself as you breathe out. When you feel your breathing is slow and relaxed, you are ready to start.

This exercise will take you through different muscle groups, teaching you firstly to tense, then relax. You should breathe in when tensing, and breathe out when relaxing. It is helpful to use the same order as you work through the muscle groups each time you do the exercise.

Begin with your hands.

HANDS - Clench one hand. Think about the tension it produces in the muscles of your hand and forearm. Study the tension for a few seconds and then relax your hand. Notice the difference between the tension and the relaxation. You might notice a small amount of tingling – this is the relaxation beginning to develop. Now try the other hand.

Each time you relax a group of muscles, think how they feel when they're relaxed. Don't TRY to relax - just let go of the tension, and the result is relaxation. Allow your muscles to relax as much as they can. Think about the difference in the way they feel when they are relaxed and when they are tense.

Now try tensing and relaxing the muscle groups outlined below. Tense them for a few seconds then relax them, letting go of the tension as much as possible.

ARMS – bend your elbows and tense your arms. Feel the tension especially in your upper arms. Hold a few seconds, and relax.

NECK – press your head gently back into the high back chair or down onto the pillow if you are lying on the bed. Feel the tension. Then bring it back forward into a comfortable position if in a chair or release the pressing down movement if on a bed and feel the softness of your muscles.

FACE – here we are going to concentrate on the muscles in your forehead and jaw. First lower your eyebrows in a frown and hold for a few seconds, now relax your forehead and your eyebrows will gently come back up again.

Next clench your jaw, hold for a few seconds and then relax. Remember to consciously notice the different feeling between tension and relaxation.

CHEST – now take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, notice the tension, and relax. Let your breath return to slow, calm, regular breathing.

STOMACH – tense your stomach muscles as tight as you can, hold for a few seconds, and relax.

BUTTOCKS – squeeze your buttocks together, hold for a few seconds, and relax.

LEGS – if lying down, straighten your legs and bend your feet towards your face. Feel the tension running up the back of your calves and thighs. Relax and wiggle your toes. If sitting, straighten your legs by lifting them slightly off the floor and bend feet towards your face, hold a few seconds, and relax.

In order to gain this new skill it is important to try and practice it every day.

Don't TRY to relax – just let it happen by releasing the tension.

 

Take The Self-Worth Quiz

Take the self-worth quiz

Please go through the following questions, don't stop too long to answer. Your answers can be brief and their may be some repetition:

 

• Rate your self-worth as it is right now on a scale of 0 to 100?

       0             25             50             75             100

         -----------------------------------------------------------------------

• If you have rated yourself as less than 100 why is this so?

 

 

 

• How do you hold yourself back through lack of self belief

 

 

 

• Jot down what you stops you liking yourself more.

 

 

 

• What things do you do just to be liked by others and to feel likeable?

 

 

 

• What do you put up with in your life to continue pleasing others and remain likeable to them?

 

 

 

• What in your life do you blame yourself for or hold resentment towards yourself about?

 

 

 

• Is there anything in your life you think you cannot forgive yourself for?

 

 

 

• Write down three ways that your life would be better if you had more confidence and believed in you.

1)

2)

3)    

• Now take a big first step forward and write down three things you appreciate about yourself

1)

2)

3)

 

Having taken the quiz do you feel you need time to find the real you again, start liking yourself more and feeling good about yourself?

If you would like to find out if working with me could help you move forward in your life with a new confidence and positive self image then please do contact me on
07506879747, or email me at robyn@clearwaterscounselling.com

 

 

 

Why Is MBTI Such A Good Process For Couples?

 

 

“It is not our purpose to become the other; it is to recognise the other, to learn to see the other and honour them for what they are.” Hermann Hesse.

Attraction is one thing, but living together is something else. At the start of most relationships there is a period of harmony, the so-called 'honeymoon' period, in which sharing and understanding seem relatively easy. But after it is over, when the traits and preferences of each mate begin to reveal themselves in sharper relief, and the give-and-take of living with another person becomes an everyday reality, personality type comes even more prominently into play.

MBTI can help couples create new solutions from the present, so that their future is positively impacted.

By using MBTI to look at what problem solving skills, communication skills, intimacy skills and decision making processes both mates have can help couples learned how to resolve their conflict in an effective way so creating an even more stable and loving foundation for their relationship.

 

MBTI can give couples insight and tools to encouraged them to re-structure their relationship by practising new ways of relating with each other based on a greater understanding of why the other person is the way they are, and so change old patterns of behaviour. This helps to create

• a shared vision of what they want their relationship to look like
• understand how to discuss heated topics in a more effective way
• come to a mutually-agreeable compromise for unresolved issues
• implement new ways of appreciating their partner's strengths and unique      attributes that they are now more fully aware of
• Identify through greater understanding, and overcome, obstacles in their relationship
• Balance their personal needs and desires with those of their partners with new found insight.

There is great benefit in couples going through this experience together so finding out their strengths and development areas  as a couple and gaining a much clearer idea of what makes the other tick. Regaining that ease of day to day give and take.